Wednesday, May 7, 2008

With Hope

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time [are] not worthy [to be compared] with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

Sometimes I have really bad days. Some days I have really good days and lately I have been having a share of each. It is only my hope and faith in God that pulls through the rough days. I often think of those who do not have faith. I cannot imagine enduring these trials without that hope. I am able to lift my head off of the pillow each day, get dressed and function as a mom and wife. I am quite certain that without the knowledge that someday all suffering will come to an end and I will once again be reunited with Asher and Isaac, I would just waste away. A day will come when each of our four sons are able to be together. Without that hope, life would certainly seem quite dreary and unimportant. I know that God promises that we cannot even fathom the greatness that is to come and that is where my hope resides. In Him.

So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth.Job 5:15-17

It is interesting to me that in grief there are so many emotions and so much that doesn't make any sense. It causes us to question everything we believe about the world and life as we know it. It is full of oxymorons. I want people to treat me as normal, yet at the same time I don't. I am not sure what normal is, I feel so sad, yet so joyful. I am completely exhausted yet so keenly aware of how precious every second is and I want to fill each one with wonderful memories so it feels better to be busy. I am scatterbrained yet feel a need for organization and planning. I long for Heaven yet am thankful to be here for Luke, Ben and Howard. I feel so empty yet so full.

I have come to learn that only God can create these oxymorons in my life. He brings beginnings from ending, hope from death, and joy from pain. Without him I would just have the yucky stuff. Not the great things that help balance life out a bit. I am overwhelmed daily with the task he has trusted me with yet am so grateful he chose me.

It amazes me that so many people continue to read my thoughts. When all of this started and I began this blog I was certain only close friends and family would read along as I didn't feel I had much to offer anyone aside from keeping those who love us informed of our circumstances. I guess I am amazed that people read because I am so incredibly imperfect. My relationship with God falters, I have a difficult time with Him and His "justice" most days. As hard as I try I cannot wrap my mind around the circumstances I have found myself in. I am trying hard to follow Him wherever he leads and allow him to be the full time leader, but it is a tough task. I remind myself daily that though our circumstances have changed many times, our God has not. The truths that were true a few years go are certainly still true today. That is the thing about truth. It is just always true. (Insightful, I know: truth is true) :-)

Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me.Psalm 40:10-12

The other thing I have been thinking when it comes to truth is that truth is true for everyone. Which seems so obvious, but often times I think we get caught up in being politically correct so we say well, "this is my truth." or "For me, God is truth, but that may not be the truth for everyone." That doesn't even make sense. If it is true, it is true for everyone. 2+2=4 is truth. Not just for me but for EVERYONE. It is a fact. God is the same way. His word is truth. Not just for me, but or everyone. That doesn't mean everyone believes that but the truth remains the same.

I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and salvation. I do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly.Psalm 40:9-11

The simple truth is that Jesus loves everyone! Not just some people, not just those who love Him back, not just those who read the Bible or go to church. EVERYONE. He desperately wants a relationship with every person. We have nothing to offer Him but he has so much to offer us. It is only through Him that we can truly grieve with hope! How awful it must be to grieve without hope. So as I pray for myself today and for my family who is still reeling from the loss of our precious boys, I also pray for all who grieve and especially for those who grieve without hope. I pray that their eyes are opened to the one and only truth because sometimes all we have is hope.

6Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

He IS the WAY, the TRUTH, and th LIFE! Cast your cares upon him and you too will have hope!


Jenny said...

Amen Kristy!


Laurie in Ca. said...


All of us imperfect people need to stick together and encourage one another. This is one of many reasons I still come here each day to read your heart. I learn from your honesty and it lets me know how to pray best for you. I love you and you are such a blessing to me. Keep writing, you have much to say.:)

Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.

Laura said...

Thinking of you today!

Anonymous said...

Yay! I really liked you including that "injustice shuts its mouth."

Devin said...

" I didn't feel I had much to offer anyone....

I guess I am amazed that people read because I am so incredibly imperfect."

Kristy, you have offered soooo much to so many! We are all imperfect. God knows that...He doesn't expect perfection from us. He just expects us to love Him with our whole heart, mind, soul, and stregth, and you continue to show that love of Christ each day thru extremely difficult circumstances. Thank you for sharing your journey and your heart with us each day, even the difficult ones--you are helping others by doing so!

claire said...

I love this post. Thank you sweet, wonderful, incredibly truthful Kristy.

love claire

Anonymous said...

You are in my prayers daily.
I check on you everyday (sometimes twice a day) just to see how you are and with every new entry you touch my heart.
Thank you for being so honest and open.
You are loved.

Kim ( said...

Wonderful post Kristy. Thank you for always sharing your whole self with us. You are an amazing person and God is using you in mighty ways.
I will continue to pray for you. You and Asher are always in my heart.
With love

Destini said...

What I thought of when I read this post was the Stained Glass Masquerade (sp?) song by Casting Crowns...people so want to be accepted that they are afraid to let their true self shine. I appreciate the way you speak the truth of who you are and how you feel. Our biggest witness for the Lord is how we live our every day lives. We are not expected to be perfect, if we were perfect, we would join the ranks of the unteachable!
Again, thank you for your testimony. I, too, am imperfect. It seems that there is some big failure on my part each and every day that I always hope to correct the next day. as Laurie said, we do need to stick together!
Lifting you in prayer,

The VW's said...

2 + 2 = 4, that is fact and so is God! Well said! Great way of explaining it to those who don't believe!

Another fact I know is that you are amazing! Thanks for sharing your heart! Prayers continue for you and your wonderful family!