Friday, May 16, 2008

Searching for answers

Well, I am having a frustrating day today. I have been trying to get a hold of our pediatrician ALL week to get Luke checked out (rash), to get Ben's immunizations that are late because of Asher's arrival, and to get the results from the chromosome study and autopsy done on Asher. I have left THREE messages and have yet to get a response for any of my issues. It has been almost three months since Asher's death and for some reason this time I REALLY want those reports. I want answers even if the report says there are no answers, that is better than the limbo I am feeling now. We cannot meet with the doctor at Magee until we know what happened. They assume it was related to Isaac but no one can be sure without the test results. I am praying for patience, but am also thinking of switching doctors. I love our pediatricians but if you can't get a hold of them they don't do you much good. So, I am feeling frustrated and defeated today. My mind is racing and that is usually not a good thing.

I know the answers these tests can bring won't change anything but I just need to know what they say. Why on earth is it taking so long!? With Isaac we got a report shortly after his death, the preliminary report and then a month or so later we got the phone call with the official results. It is driving me nuts. I feel very unsettled and my imagination is going wild with reasons they must not have reports yet. I mean who keeps a family waiting like this without a reason?

So, please pray for Luke and for this crazy rash he has and for our family as we attempt to remain patient and wait for the answers from these tests.

Some days I wonder how I will live the rest of my life with such intense pain in my heart. I know God is the only answer for that.


Alicia said...


Praying for you....


Michelle said...

I don't know you but I have, like many, been following your story of your precious boys, all of them. I have been praying for you. For some reason, God has you on my heart today to pray for even more. I have NO way of knowing what you are going through as I can't imagine the pain yet I can admire your strength and your dependance on the Lord. May the Lord work on your behalf with the dr office and your heart find whatever info the results will tell. I don't know what words to write exactly but just know I am praying for you.

Hou, Tx

Anxious AF said...

Tests....I know your anxiety. When i had my amniocintesis with Alex and the results came back normal, I thought, "Im glad that is over, no more tests". Please know the amnio reslult would not have changed anything that happened, I just have this need to know right now problem!"
Then when he was born, and they knew something was wrong, there were 2 more tests. All which came back normal. The doctors are sure of our diagnosis, I guess not all syndromes can be picked up because the change in the chromosome is so minimal the tests arent strong enough to find it.
i will be praying for you as you wait.....I remember the wait, for someone like me it was nearly impossible.

Kirsten said...

I'm sorry you are still waiting. It is so hard! I pray that you will get the results soon and a feeling of peace even sooner. I wish there was a way to take away all the pain and hurt. For you and for me.

Hang in there. You are doing amazing!


Unknown said...


It must be so difficult to wait for answers. We're praying....


Laurie in Ca. said...

Please know that I will be praying for you in this time of waiting for results and that your mind will be calm and peaceful with the Lord. I am so sorry that this has been such a hard time. I hope it will be resolved for you soon Kristy. Sending you love and hugs today.

Laurie in Ca.

The Pittsburgh Hites said...

Praying that Luke's rash goes away and that your doctor's office gets back to you soon.
Maggie woke up with a rash on Monday morning so i kept her home from school and by 10am it was gone when we got to the doc, but she has an ear infection!! Odd huh? It's been about two years and she never said her ear even hurt!
Maybe it's just an odd reaction to something...maggie gets those a couple times a year!
I'm thinking of YOU right now as i sit here waiting to have Fionn. I'm praying that you my friend get some peace once you get those reports back, any answer is better than none.
All my love!