Dynamite!

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

I had read this verse in the Streams in The Desert earlier this week and thought "Wow talk about oxymorons!"

If this verse is translated literally it is even more clearly stated... "Therefore I take pleasure in being without strength, being insulted, experiencing emergencies, and being chased and forced into a corner for Christ's sake; for when I am without strength, I am DYNAMITE."

I find it especially interesting that when I was at my lowest point thus far and wrote my innermost thoughts and feelings as ugly and weak as they were, this was when I received comments that were not so uplifting. I have been unsure as to how to take all of this. I began to doubt myself and whether or not this blog should continue as I do not have the strength or energy to respond to such comments or try to defend myself to those who could not possibly understand.

I was talking about all of this with Howard and he reminded me of something so important. None of this is about us. It is about God and glorifying him and where God is being glorified Satan will sneak in in the most subtle way. I am certainly not saying that "Anonymous" is Satan or represents such, but by those comments being posted, it was an opening for Satan to creep in and cause confusion and doubt in my mind. I have been feeling so weak. I guess I should actually be thankful for each and every comment that has been posted because though some were frustrating they caused me to search deep and bounce back like dynamite!

This passage reminded me that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with finding yourself so deep in the valley that you no longer have the strength to go on. I am learning that when I come to the complete and total end of myself, that is where I find God. He is waiting there for me to finally stop struggling and fighting him. He is waiting with open arms to embrace my weary, worn out self. Sometimes we are so strong-willed that I think we are kind of like Whack-a Mole (sorry for the bad analogies...I am not very deep) We just keep popping back up and He keeps whacking us back down and we pop up again without another thought, and it isn't until we wear ourselves out and just lay down for a bit that we truly see that the suffering we endure is necessary for the blessings that are to come. ( I hope that makes some sense, it did in my head) And then and only then once we have taken the time to rest and be still and truly listen to God (we all know he tends to whisper rather than yell) are we able to pop back up victoriously like DYNAMITE!

I also read in Streams in the Desert this quote from George Matheson, a blind preacher of Scotland..."My dear God, I have never thanked you for my thorns. I have thanked you a thousand times for my roses, but not once for my thorns. I have always looked forward to the place where I will be rewarded for my cross, but I have never thought of my cross as a present glory itself. Teach me O, Lord to glory in my cross. Teach me the value of my thorns. Show me how I have climbed to you through the path of pain. Show me it is through my tears I have seen my rainbows."

Hi God...It's me again! I want to thank you for my thorns and for my cross, they are true gifts. I have come to realize that though I am a character in this story I am NOT the author. I have come to the end of myself and am yearning to know You better. I want your will for my life. I want to be used by you. I submit fully to your plan. I realize that ups and downs are going to be necessary on this journey. I am beginning to learn that oxymorons are actually a beautiful thing. It is only though you that weakness can be strength, and ending can be a beginning. You are the author of this story and I cannot wait to see what the next chapter brings. I am truly blessed!