Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Last night I was really struggling. We went to see the movie Expelled, a documentary done by Ben Stein (Bueller, Bueller, Beuller and the Visine Guy). The movie uncovers the academic freedom that is being taken away in this country as the theory of Darwinism is accepted as the only truth and anyone who thinks otherwise is deemed crazy. Many scientists and professors have lost their jobs for suggesting that maybe Darwin did not get the whole picture and that maybe "Intelligent Design" is responsible for life on earth. It was an eye opening movie and I highly recommend it. Stein uses sarcasm and dry humor throughout and though it is a documentary it is entertaining. It exposes many of the holes in Darwin's theory.

During the movie Stein traveled to concentration camps and places where genocide took place during the time of Hitler. Hitler was an extreme Darwinist and thought that he was doing the human race a favor by slaughtering those who were not considered to be perfect. People of handicaps and mental illness were wiped out thinking that it would cause the human species to grow stronger if the weak were not allowed to procreate. During the movie while they were showing the places where these people were taken from their hospital rooms and lead to their death, I began to feel an emotion that was overwhelming for me. I sat there thinking that a person who truly believes Darwin's theory to the extreme like Hitler would certainly be a person who believes abortion of babies with "abnormalities" is good for society.

I could not help but think that if our family lived in Germany during Hitler's reign, Isaac and Asher would have been seen as a drain on society and had they not passed away on their own they would have been killed. In thinking about that I thought about the impact they have had on this world in their short time here on earth. I cannot imagine my life without them. The idea that the world would be a better place without anyone with a disability is such a scary thought. Because we know that God doesn't make mistakes and that EVERY life matters, the idea that we should ever have any say in who is perfect and who isn't is ludicrous. We ALL have disabilities, some are just more obvious than others.

I am not really sure what I am trying to get at here. I guess I am just very thankful that we live in a different time, but as I think about it, things like this ARE still going on in other parts of the world. We don't deal with it necessarily here in the US and quite frankly are uncomfortable knowing that it does exist in other countries so we tend to ignore it. I assure you friends that this type of killing is still happening. So I ask that you pray for people all over the world to realize the gift that every life brings.

Today is proving to be a difficult day for me. My heart is heavy. Though I am so thankful that God chose our family for Isaac and Asher, I ache for them. I had so many plans and dreams for them. I do know that God's plan is THE ONLY plan and that none of this is a surprise to him. I can say for sure that I have experienced His comfort and peace. I am more sure than ever that God does exist. He created the Heavens and the Earth and everything therein. I know that God creates NO accidents and that nothing in this life that happens is surprise to him. He knows. He also knows the pain I feel. Some days that pain is almost unbearable. I just want to throw myself on the floor and scream asking God how he could allow this. And I may. I know that he will comfort me. He always does. He always brings just the right people to me at the perfect time to bring me comfort and I have hope in knowing that all of this is part of his perfect plan.

I am thankful that God created my children in his image and perfect.

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth." Psalm 127:4

As I read scripture like this though, my heart soars with pride that my boys are my arrows. The ultimate goal for all of our children is that they are able to bring others closer to Jesus. Asher and Isaac have TRULY done that and continue to do so, so when I do feel that searing pain of loss I am also reminded that God has chosen our family for an important mission. We now must continue to give Asher and Isaac a voice and it is a responsibility we take very seriously. They deserve nothing but our best.

I want to end with a kind of funny story that unfolded last night at dinner. We sat down and we all held hands and began to thank God. We were trying to get Ben to say "Thank you, God" which he did say...followed by "great, great, great....knoooooooooooooowwwwwww." (which is part of a worship song he knows and whenever he hears the word God he sings it, which is funny in itself, but that isn't the story.) Then Luke said, "Thank you God for my brothers, all three of them, especially Ben because you let us keep him." Howard and I looked at each other and our jaws dropped. We looked at Luke and just nodded. He then proceeded, "I think Asher and Isaac were too cool. God just wanted to keep the cool ones for Himself, he couldn't let them go." Our eyes got wider. That is Luke's mentality right now. If he has two toys and has to share he keeps the cooler one for himself. So basically he was saying that he and Ben were the rejects. :-)

We explained to Luke that we are all born with a job to do and that Asher and Isaac already did theirs and we will continue to remember them and include them in our family. We told him that God makes all of us exactly how he wants us and that he thinks we are all the "coolest". God thinks Ben and Luke are just as "cool" as Isaac or Asher. He was so confused then as to why God took them and not he and Ben. We just explained that God has a plan and that we may not understand it but he has a good reason for everything He does and that whatever time He gives us on this earth we need to use loving others and sharing God's truth so that more people will get to go be with Him in Heaven.

That seemed to suffice for now...kids are so insightful. Ben and Luke are such amazing reminders that God is truly good and gives us amazing glimpses of true and pure innocence.


Steve & Marie Douglas said...

praying for the ache in your heart. Love the dinner story :)

Christa said...

Oh my goodness. It's amazing how much kids really know. :) What a thinker you have on your hands!

I really wanted to see that movie. It seems like an amazing film, and what a blessing that it was a wide release and many people will see it.

Praying for you all....

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

You are right, we all have disabilities. I had a doctor tell me that it only takes three abnormalities to "make a Syndrome". We probably all have our own version of a syndrome:)
I too am thankful that we live in this time, and in this country. So Alex canbe here with me.
I pray people start to see people with disabilities and not look the other way.

The VW's said...

Wow! I believe you got every emotion available out of me on this post! (Amazement, sadness, happiness, laughter, surprise...) First of all, I'm so sorry that you are struggling! I pray that God will give you the peace and hope to sustain through today and everyday! God WILL get you through as He has ordained you for a very important job on this earth! Just know that I believe that you are doing a wonderful job at it! God is using you and your little miracles! I can only imagine how hard it must be on you, but knowing there is a purpose must help a little.

I'd say you have a couple of smart little guys there! What a blessing they are! Hang in there and know that prayers are being said for you today!

Andrea said...

you are SO right about living at this time. i too just thouhgt about that one of my sons would of been killed if we lived in any other time (or place). i feel blessed to be here and now.
your family is filled with kindness and love! i love you posts!!

sumi said...

Luke's prayer warmed my heart! Thank you for sharing.

Sheryl said...

Great post! The insight that none of this is a surprise to God and He does have a perfect plan. We may not understand (I know I don't) but we can trust HE is perfect.

Love the story from dinner. He is processing things in his own way but we can all learn so much from the kids.

Praying for your ache,

Becky said...

I often think of the comparison of children to arrows. Arrows are a weapon, meant to be shot out of the quiver. I took archery classes and the bow must be tight, the aim steady - those are the qualities we instill in them - they must hit the target which in my humble opinion, is finding God's will for their lives. Often parents keep their children in their quivers, away from the enemy where they do not have a chance to be a weapon. It isn't easy to 'shoot those children out', and many prayers cover them so that they fly straight and strong. You didn't have the opportunity to shoot Asher and Isaac in that sense, but they hit the Target none-the-less. I hope I made sense.

Corie O'Brien said...

Praying for you. I know it is so hard to rest in Gods plan and His goodness knowing our boys are fine and yet having an incredible ache for them. I know it will not totally go away and I know we would not want it to. Keep expressing yourself just as you do. It helps me too!! Loving you from afar!

Cathy said...

To a very COOL family. I can't even begin to understand your pain, but I do feel God loves your family in an extra special way. I am praying for your aching arms and heart. Cathy & Annabel

Anonymous said...

I know how you found Abigail's site... most likely from the O'Brien's site :) Thank you for your sweet comment. My heart aches for you and I too can not imagine a day in your shoes! Bless your sweet heart! Your family "all" are absolutely beautiful. I will earmark your page and read it often, and pray for your family! You are doing such wonderful things, perserving keeping your eyes on the end goal! Your site is wonderful, meaningful, and such a blessing to thousands~! God is Good isn't He... His loving kindness is everlasing and His merceys are overflowing!! I pray He continues to use your boys lives for His glory... Yes you are right... No footprint is too small to leave a mark and you dear sister in Christ are the one carrying the torch for your sons! Thank you for your honesty and transparency may God bless you and keep you as you run this race! In His Grip, Tamara Cochran ~ Colorado