Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Home from the doctor...

Well, I am home from the doctor. I wish I could say it was a reassuring experience, but it wasn't really. I LOVE my doctors but man walking in that building is like torture right now. Everything is so fresh in my mind as I see the familiar building. That is where it all took place, shocking news, exciting news, sad news. It is also the building where the kid's pediatrician and neonatologist has their office so it is just like a big bundle of memories past and present. This time I had Howard though and it was good to know I had back up. :-)

My prayer as we went in was mainly that I would be thoroughly checked and that the nurse and the nurse practitioner I was seeing would read my chart before walking in the room asking inappropriate questions. My prayers were half answered the way I had hoped. The nurse took me to the exam room and asked why I was there today. I explained the problem and her first question was "well, are you breastfeeding?" At this point my patience for people who don't at least glance at my chart is limited. I mean really, how hard is it? I truly believe there should be a special sticker that goes on the outside of a chart to signal to the person caring for the patient that maybe they should look at the chart a little closer. I know it is a confidentiality issue but I would totally be willing to sacrifice my confidentiality not to have to deal with these questions. So anyhow, I answered with a blunt and painful "my baby died" which shut her up immediately! She said she was sorry and got out of there as quickly as she could. Unfortunately I (and I am sure many women) deal with this regularly. I am sure the nurse meant no harm and felt horrible for asking and maybe next time she will peek at the chart before asking a mom a question like that.

The nurse practitioner did examine me and was very compassionate. She says that things look pretty good and she sees no signs of trouble at this time. She said she things I have overdone it and that I need to get off of my feet more. And out the door we went.

I am feeling frustrated. It is very easy for everyone to tell me I should take it easy and get off of my feet. I am caring for a one year old and a four year old and I still have household duties that need to be taken care of and quite frankly it is the only thing that makes me feel even relatively normal. Doing laundry, dishes, cleaning toilets, make me feel real. It gives me a sense of normalcy I am lacking in EVERY other part of my life! So cleaning and taking care of my responsibilities as a wife, mom and homemaker make me feel worthwhile and as normal as humanly possible at this juncture in time. So what is a grieving mom to do. I KNOW I need to take care of myself, but this is what feels good to me. When I sit around and lie in bed it seems to accentuate the painful feelings and memories. It just reminds me that things are about as far from normal right now as they have ever been!

I am going to try to take a nap right now Howard is home and the boys are resting so maybe we can watch a movie or something. We did get to have lunch together before my appointment which was SOOOOO needed! Just the two of us! It was great! Thankfully Howard's parents were willing to jump in and help with the boys and the boys LOVE their grandparents!


Story of our Life said...

Personally,I think it would be a great idea if you could put what you put here in a letter and send it to not only YOUR OB and general practitioner but the entire OB office.

Not everyone's baby is okay. Not everyone comes back there with a joyous experience.

I'm sure these providers mean no harm. However, there is harm done. And your heart already hurts. This isn't something that never happens. It happens every day and I think that it is important that it be brought to their attention.

((More hugs)) Take Care of you as much as possible!! Revel in the sweet tender moments. ( I know you are)

Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

Hi Kristy - only me again! Just wanted to send you my love, and let you know that you are still in my thoughts and prayers every day. It is so hard when people don't take the time to find out your situation before asking difficult questions. I remember being on the maternity ward the day after we lost our first son Will (fortunately they put me in a room on my own so I didn't have to be with the other mums)and a doctor came in and asked 'where is the baby then?' I just looked at him, and said 'Heaven'. He really didn't know where to put himself, and left the room as quickly as possible. It would almost have been funny if it wasn't so heartbreaking. Since then, I've always thought they should put colour-coded stickers on our files or something like that, so medical professionals will know at a glance what has happened, or at least know to read the notes before barging in. A little thing that could save a lot of pain. I hope your physical issues start resolving themselves soon. Sending you lots of love, and a hug across the Atlantic. XXX

Christa said...

I just wanted to say that formerly working in the medical field in the past she *should have looked at your chart. :( That being said...I made that mistake once as well except it was an elderly man who lost his wife. It was written in the chart and I overlooked it. I felt terrible. I am sure she did too...but that's not an excuse. Especially in an OB's office...they need to be extra careful.

I can empathize with the bleeding. It's been 10 weeks for me and I am still bleeding on and off....it gets REALLY old. If you want to complain feel free to email me! I hope it stops for you soon.

(((BIG HUGS!!!)))

Laurie said...

BIG HUGS to you today Kristy, and I really think a sticker on the charts would be so helpful for all concerned. I wish I lived close enough to you to come over daily to watch the boys so you could get in a good nap. You could still clean like mad before and after, but while I was there, I would make you rest:) I am praying each day for you as you go through this most difficult time that I can't even imagine. Give Howard a big hug for me, he is always there for you when you need him the most. A great husband is priceless even if not perfect. Who is?:) Love you girl and please take care.

Laurie in Ca.

Rebecca said...

UGH... I am so sorry that happened to you. :(

Anonymous said...

Oh Kristy, I'm so sorry that happened to you. There is just no excuse for that.

Praying for your body to heal.


Corie O'Brien said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. I do think somehow people need to know when you go into the doctors office about this situation. Not only the doctors, but the insurance companies calling about copay. Ouch! Its like pouring salt in the wound that has only started to heal and yet won't be fully healed! I continue to pray you. Know you are not alone. I am walking this path with you although we have never met.

Megan said...

Hi Kristy,

I have been following your blog for some time and wanted to finally reach out and wish you well. I have been really moved and inspired by your family, your faith, and your devotion to your children, and I'm thankful to you for sharing your journey.

I suffered a loss before my son was born and experienced the same awkward, painful questions from various medical staff in the days following. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone.

I hope that you and your family are well and look forward to sharing more of your story.

All the best,

Melissa Dovel said...


Just a thought it might do you goood to get some help from friends and family during this time:) Time to spend with the the Lord and time to physically heal that in its self has to surely add to your grief. I am with you ALL the way that scrubbig pottys and washing bed sheets makes me feel more normal. Try hard to give it a try and if its not working for you than dont do it. I just love ya sister and I want so badly for you to get some relief. Praying for supernatural healing and peace to take time for you to deal with you and the Lord with out your regular duties:)

All in HIS perfect love I tell you this,