Monday, April 21, 2008

Preschool Open House

Well, tonight we took Luke to Preschool Open House. Yes, he IS going to be five this summer and could be going to Kindergarten and Yes, I do believe he is about as smart as they come and could academically handle kindergarten, but after being a teacher myself I have learned that sometimes the younger kids in a class tend to struggle down the road. So we see no harm in just waiting a year and enjoying him one more year here at home. Kindergarten is a full day program here now and I am just not ready to do that yet. So, we are sending him to preschool this coming year and he will go to Kindergarten the following year.

Anyhow, he was so excited ALL day long! Actually he had been talking about it for days. The program is run by a local church here and is just a couple of miles up the road. He walked in and fell in LOVE! There was a calendar and cubbies and a snack table and all the toys a kid could play with. He had a great time exploring and playing. While he and his dad played I filled out the paperwork.

As I sat there filling out the form, I could not help but think, that this was something I would never get to do with Isaac or Asher. The papers I signed for the funeral homes were the only papers I would ever fill out as Isaac's mom or Asher's mom. That is a tough reality. I will never hear them talk non stop about going to school or getting a new backpack (which is Luke's primary concern...not that he will really be needing one) I will never get to sit back and watch them explore a new environment and interact with other children and their new teacher.

This has been kind of a rough weekend. Friday as I said marked eight weeks since we were graced with our Asher for a brief period of time. Sunday marked 2 years and 9 months since Isaac left the arms of his Daddy and entered the arms of his Heavenly Father. And tomorrow April 22 is the date that marks two months since we held Asher in our arms. All of these dates and sometimes I wonder if I will ever have a Friday that doesn't seem overcast with loss I mean Isaac died on a Wednesday and I still think of that on Wednesdays though I no longer count the weeks. Or will I ever have a 20th or 22nd that don't sting with sorrow? Do I even want to?

The crazy thing is that I also rejoice. I rejoice because I grieve EVERY day of my life. I live with a pain that is unimaginable, a deep aching in my heart that never subsides. The only way for me to get through this life is just one breath at a time thanking God for each and every breath, life is a gift. I rejoice in knowing that through my grief God will change hearts. He will allow me to reach others who I never would have been able to reach otherwise and I rejoice because each breath brings me one breath closer to reuniting with my boys. I can grieve with Hope! This is not a sad thing. The sad thing is those who grieve without hope. This hope and joy is something that is free to EVERYONE who will accept it. God is waiting with an outstretched hand. He desperately wants us to choose Him! It amazes me that in this relationship with God, I bring basically nothing to the relationship but he loves me like crazy anyhow and is choosing to use my ordinary family to do extraordinary things! I have been so blessed! I am truly humbled and thankful that God is has chosen the Bolte family to be blessed with such rich treasures! I have a story I want to share soon about how God has used our boys but I am just not quite ready yet. Just know that he is doing AMAZING things!

8 comments:

Suzie said...

"When you feel like giving up; just remember why you have held on for so long to begin with."

This is something I found and thought I would share it with you. **hugs**

love ya
suzie

Christa said...

Reagan will be going 3 days a week in the afternoons (she went 2 days a week last year until I got too big to move...about Christmas time)! I have been struggling with the kindergarden decision. Reagan will be ready, but she was born in very late April and I don't want her to be left behind (She's about to be 4). I was a May baby and probably should have been held back as I was very immature. I guess we can make that decision later. Anyway....I am still praying for you every day. (((HUGS))) It's not much consolation, but know how much Isaac and Asher's lives have meant to so many people contemplating terminating a pregnancy for *any reason. You and your boys have been an inspiration, and a Godly example to many people.

Anonymous said...

I have been blessed by the Bolte family...thanks Kristy.
You are loved!

Laurie said...

Kristy,

I can tell that God is doing great things by reading your hope in this post. What do people do without hope and the Lord? I love you girl and am praying you through daily. Isaac and Asher have meant so much to me and my faith. I have always known that every life is precious to us, but your boys have really helped cement this reality deep in my heart. Each and every life, no matter how short it may be, is a blessing from God. So much love and so much glory from the Lord. May your week be blessed with much hope and sweet joy.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Our Noah has a summer b-day, and we waited too. Best decision we have made as parents! They say people regret not waiting but you never regret waiting.
Your words were a blessing tonight, Im having some trouble lately, so thanks for your words.

Kee said...

Ruben turns 4 this Wed. and will be going to preschool in the fall. His will be 5 half days a week. He is so excited but I'm still totally sold on it. :)

I love reading your posts every night. Your boys have had such a profound effect on my life and I know that there are so many more people out there that have been touched by your story and your boys. You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.
Kiesha

Kee said...

oops...supposed to be "I'm not totally sold on it." It's way past my bedtime :)

msharae said...

Okay, me and Luke are on the same page, totally. I am 24 years old and not even in school and I still love new backpacks and oversized bags and huge purses...

School supply time is one of my favorite times of year. Probably this has something to do with God preparing me to be the Craft organizer in our children's ministry....